t Mistrust & suspicion towards all their words and actions

• You no longer accept what the offender says, but you listen with scrutiny, criticism, and doubt
• The offender's integrity becomes suspect; his motives are mistrusted
• As mistrust grows, the offender's motives are frequently assumed to be evil; if something can be taken two ways, the worst is automatically assumed
• In misunderstandings you respond with immediate frustration and judgment of their motives before the facts are fully sought or found out
• A misunderstanding is automatically a "lie"; a lack of follow-through is perceived as "deceit"; a mistake is thought to be a "con job"; effective persuasion is called "manipulation;" exercise of authority is an attempt to "control"
• Offender's prayers are judged as insincere; the genuineness of his love for others may be doubted
• When he solicits help from others he is called a "user." No matter how appreciative, he is never thankful enough
• Most of his actions you judge to be self-glorifying and motivated out of pride.

t Over-confidence of judgment

• You have got the offender "pegged"; you may think you can "read him like a book"
• You are not interested in the offender's answers, because you have already "sized him up"; answers offered by the offender are perceived as excuses or slick justifications; there is no way the offender can "win"
• You become so confident of your assessment that you are unwilling to consider that it is you who could be wrong
• You refuse to even consider that you have judged another's heart motives
• In extreme cases of mistrust, you are so confident of your judgment that the offender can't do anything right in your eyes; everything he does is wrong

t Preoccupation with perceived flaws

• In early stages of mistrust you start noticing the offender's personality quirks, mannerisms, habits, and imperfections which previously were unimportant or went unnoticed
• You unconsciously begin to look for them every time you sees the offender
• You dwell so much on the offender's perceived shortcomings that soon they glare at you, causing them to become the offender's new identity
• You don't perceive them as flaws to bear along with, but as signs of ineptness or a deceitful or manipulative heart.
• The offender's flaws become intolerable, driving you "crazy"

t Separation by choice

• A wedge of mistrust has divided you from the offender
• The offender is no longer viewed as a team mate, but has become an opponent
• Communication breaks down because of alienation and heart judgment
• You shut off & close up, so you refuse to go to the offender with the problem
• You ignore your biblical responsibility to go to the offender, with the excuse that he won't listen
• You believe that you and the offender don't have a problem -- the offender is the problem

t Hyper-sensitive and Hyper-critical reactions

• As you cut yourself off from the offender, you become more and more easily offended
• Things which previously may have been insignificant differences of opinion, are now taken as personal offenses, which produce responses of inappropriate anger
• Your relationship with them becomes characterized by faultfinding -- critiquing -- nit-picking
• You aren't just annoyed, but become extremely intolerant of flaws or differences of opinion
• Every new found "fault" further justifies entire collection of judgments
• Jokes made by the offender are taken seriously and found fault with

t The tendency to make minors into majors

• You become unwilling to believe that offender is just different -- he is wrong!
• Small matters become of the utmost importance to you
• Petty problems which went unnoticed before become huge, intolerable issues

t An inability to receive from spiritual leaders (who have offended)

• Spiritual meals are critiqued rather than eaten; nothing coming over the pulpit edifies anymore
• You are confident pastor's teaching has degenerated, although many others continue to benefit by it
• Your heart hardens towards the shepherd God has placed over you
• The greater the hardness, the more unbearable and painful, sitting under his teaching becomes
• The offender becomes a scapegoat. His "imbalanced" or "empty" teaching is blamed for your spiritual dryness

t Spiritual dryness (its actual causes)

t The need to begin building a case

• Every flaw just adds to the case that is being constructed
• Evidence is intently sought to prove the case
• Opinions of others are sought to further justify the assessment
• As more reports are heard, the greater the case becomes against the offender

t Increasing anger which turns to unforgiveness and bitterness

• You justify anger calling it either hurt, frustration, or righteous indignation
• Continued anger qualifies as unforgiveness, which becomes bitterness, giving Satan a foothold (Eph 4:26-27)

t A loose tongue

• Areas of disagreement with the offender are voiced openly to others, incidentally sowing poisonous seeds of mistrust (Those receiving the slander almost always claim they are unaffected by it.)
• You talk freely about the offender's shortcomings or offenses "only with a few close friends," under the guise of seeking counsel or sharing problems and personal prayer needs, incidentally rallying others to your "side"
• The more others agree with you, the more confident you are that the offender is the problem

t Final conclusion: the Offender is "dangerous"

• You see him as "Darth Vader" -- thoroughly evil; all motives are wicked
• You cut him off
• You leave the Church, organization, neighborhood, or relationship
• You decide that others must be warned
• You hope that he encounters failure, so that he will learn a lesson
• Even after you cut him off, to justify your actions, you continue building a case
• As you encounter and swap stories with others who were also offended, the offender becomes more evil and more dangerous