Giving Your Children a Vision for Courtship
According to one national study, 43% of professing Christian teens lose their virginity by the time they are 18, and 70% have been involved in significant physical intimacy. Needless to say, such rampant hormonal stimulation creates multiple problems for the teens and their families. There is no one biblical way to court, but in this session, Reb helps parents draw from the Scriptures to create their own “courtship” plan that will help their children walk in greater purity and lay a foundation for stronger marriages. Valuable for parents of all age children, from toddlers to teens.
Click Here to listen: www.familyministries.com/Media/CAM_workshop.mp3
Giving Your Children a Vision for Courtship
I. WHAT CONDITIONS WITHIN THE CHURCH SHOULD MOTIVATE PARENTS TO GIVE THEIR CHILDREN A VISION FOR COURTSHIP?
A. Rampant SEXUAL IMPURITY
B. UNSTABLE, FAILING marriages
C. Spiritual IMPOTENCE
II. The origin of recreational dating
A. Dating is an invention of unbelievers in the 20th century.
B. Christians adopted dating from the world and abandoned biblical and historical customs
III. What are the differences between modern dating customs and the biblical model for romance?
IV. What are the privileges offered by the two models of romance?
V. WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF THE 2 SYSTEMS?
VI. HOW CAN WE IMPART A VISION FOR COURTSHIP?
A. Influencing values requires that we have their respect.
> We do not learn from those we do not respect.
We respect those who respect us – not those who do not listen or value us
> Keep in mind: A strictly AUTHORITARIAN approach will alienate teens.
Not about CONTROL ----- They are their own person. You may be able to control behavior, but not the heart
PARENTS CAN DO EVERYTHING RIGHT...
--- It’s not even about METHOD. No ONE biblical model.
B. Influencing values requires that we have their hearts, and more importantly, that God has their heart
> Cultivate a love relationship with them.
> God motivates us by both respect and love. David sang of his love for God and his fear of God
Deu 10:12 And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul,
> Without RELATIONSHIP parents have DIFFICULTY NURTURING a teen’s walk with Christ.
Cultivate TRUST with them – We do not receive from those we do not trust OR TRUST ACCEPT US
> If Jesus is not Lord in their hearts they will lack the insight and power they will need.
1 Pet 3:15 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts …
2 Cor 5:15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
C. From infancy, elevate marriage as the place for expression of romantic intimacy.
It’s about the elevation of MARRIAGE --- NOT THE ABSENCE OF DATING.
1. Elevating modesty preserves the sanctity of marriage. Song of Sol 4:12
Not sharing with the world that which their mate will want preserved for them
2. Elevate to them their purity, emphasizing keeping themselves pure as a gift for their mate
3. When they witness romantic intimacy outside marriage, ie: TV, immodest magazine covers, park benches -- expose it as action which robs from marriage.
4. Rom 13:14; Mat 18:6 Limit their exposure to sexual stimuli
> It tempts them, corrupts their values, and desensitizes to that which should be kept sacred. Parents are not careful, because THEY are desensitized.
D. Raise your children to respect the opposite sex
> Raise your daughters to be pure and your sons to guard a woman’s purity
1 Tim 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
E. Get fully equipped and then schedule a time of INSTRUCTION to be certain they understand.
F. Proverbs 1-31: Prepare them for coming temptations
> Plan for them responses to porn, flirting, mockery, etc.
G. Dim the glamour of fornication by using biblical terminology in reference to it.
H. Equip them to handle PREMATURE AFFECTION (Eccl 3:8; Song 2:7; 3:5)
1. Curb inappropriate FANTASIES (2 Cor 10:5)
2. Guard against sending WRONG MESSAGES
a. 1 Tim 2:9-10; Rom 14:21 Explain the power of immODESTy
Rom 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.
b. 1 Tim 2:9 Help them avoid a flirtatious spirit
1 Pet 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.