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Loving
and Teaching the Difficult Child
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5
I. Understanding classic behaviors and tendencies Prov 4:7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. A. Impulsive
1 Cor 10:24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
B. Inattentive Rom 15:1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Eph 5:29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church 1. auditory
2. visual
3. social
II. Unique needs of challenging children A. They need consistency 1. Expectations 2. Discipline 3. Setting a routine a. time allocation
b. physical exercise
B. They need tactile stimulation 1. 2.
C. They need to see progress 1. 2.
D. They need to own responsibilities
E. They need transition time
F. They need to avoid stimulating situations
G. They need help falling asleep
H. They need an appropriate teaching style 1. 2. 3.
I. They need you to help them discover their strengths
J. They need you to choose your battles
K. They need you to be someone who believes in them.
III. How does God in his word teach us to relate to challenging people? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 A. Love is patient
B. Love is kind
C. Love does not envy
D. Love does not boast
E. Love is not proud
F. Love is not rude
G. Love is not self-seeking
H. Love is not easily angered
I. Love keeps no record of wrongs
J. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
K. Love always protects
L. Love always trusts
M. Love always hopes
N. Love always perseveres
O. Love never fails
Rom 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 1 Pet 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. CLASSIC CHARACTERISTICS OF ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER (ADHD) 1. Has difficulty following instructions precisely 2. Has difficulty sustaining attention 3. Shifts from one task to another 4. Often loses things necessary for tasks 5. Has difficulty playing quietly 6. Consistently fails to carry out more than 2 assigned tasks at a time before becoming distracted. 7. Excessively self-preoccupied which makes him oblivious of others 8. Feels emotions to the extreme – highs are higher, and lows are lower 9. Does not pick up social cues 10. Frequently overdoes it with teasing or joking with others – doesn't know when to quit 11. Has difficulty keeping friends because of over-doing it or other obnoxious behavior 12. Has little awareness of consequence to actions 13. Doesn't seem to learn from correction or discipline like siblings do 14. Has difficulty learning self-restraint, in spite of intense discipline 15. Despite corrections, continues to blurt out answers 16. Fidgets, squirms or always seems restless 17. Unconsciously does repetitive, noisy tapping or fidgeting with anything handy 18. Has difficulty remaining seated 19. Is easily distracted 20. Talks incessantly 21. Does not seem to listen 22. Interrupts or intrudes on others Tips on Teaching the ADD and ADHD Child Provide a highly structured environment with clearly defined routines, rules, and procedures. Schedule daily activities and classes to happen with consistency. Require a daily planner or assignment sheet to create a list of daily assignments Consistently check the planner or assignment sheet Be a role model of routine and consistency: check your planners together. Avoid open-ended questions. Be specific, ie: Avoid: "What did you do today?" Use: Let's look at your planner." Provide adequate study space. If your child is distracted by anything in the school room, consider changing him to another room Be sure everything has a place and put everything in its place. Provide a "spot" to keep notebook, planner, or anything important for school. Make sure the spot is in a place which is easily accessible and part of the natural traffic pattern each day. Establishing such patterns and routines is imperative for teaching adult life skills. Use an organizer box to hold glue, crayons, map pencils, protractor, compass, etc. Before each session or subject, make certain that the desk or work surface is clear and contains only what is needed for that session. Develop a system of rewards that fits your values. Reward positive "on-task" or loving behavior immediately and consistently. Remember that offering rewards for learning a skill is not the same as bribing a child for behavior which is his moral duty. Staying on task is most often an issue of skill not will. 4Bring swift
correction to negative behavior and immediate chastisement for acts of
clear defiance. (Be careful of always assuming repeated acts of
thoughtlessness to be acts of defiance.) Remember Ignore minor disruptiveness or inattentiveness, especially if it is from thoughtlessness. Choose your battles. Fidgetiness is most often an issue of skill not will. Keep homeschool time as positive as possible Provide short rather than long assignments to minimize boredom. Make assignments as interactive on the part of the child as possible. For long assignments, set short-range goals and check your child frequently. Use a timer, if necessary, to help him stay on task. Mix high and low interest tasks to keep the motivational pace going. Schedule husband/wife conferences before problems develop. Provide opportunities for increased responsibility: chores with consequences, help with time management and goal-setting.
For child training materials, check out the Family Ministries catalog or website for Reb Bradley’s tape set “Biblical Insights Into Child Training” and his book “Child Training Tips: What I wish I knew when my children were young.” Find them on the web at www.familyministries.com or call 800-545-1729. Maintain eye contact during verbal instructions Make directions clear and concise. Be consistent. Simplify complex directions, avoid multiple commands. Be certain the student understands all instructions by having them explain back to you what they heard. Repeat instructions if needed and use visual cues on chalk board. Role-play desired behavior with them. Record specific instructions in planner. A child trained to use a planner is being equipped with an invaluable tool for an ADD adult. Make a rule or procedures sheet and post it in plain view. In summary, it is more important that you love and enjoy your child, whatever else you may do. Try to have at least one happy, successful experience with him every day. Remember that he is the child and you are the adult. Give him attention in a positive way: ? Play board games to increase his attention span, his social skills, and his decision-making. ? Read to him. ? Play with him. ? Cook together. ? Go swimming. ? Take a walk. ? Ride bikes. ? Teach him. ? Train him. ? Lead him in the way he should go. ? Find ways to enjoy him and the person he is becoming. Remember -- we all learn best from those we believe like us. Slow down long enough to look him in the eye each day and express to him affection. Treasure these days while he is a child. He won't be for long!
THE SIGNIFICANCE OF UNDERSTANDING OUR CHILDREN Understanding our children is worth any price Prov 4:7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. It is wise to pursue understanding of our children's heart motives Prov 20:5 The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Before we can build up our children we must assess their real needs Eph 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
TENDER LOVE AND PATIENCE BEARS MORE FRUIT THAN HARSH REBUKE We respond best to those who accept us 1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us. A mother is characterized by gentle care 1 Thes 2:7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. A father is characterized by tender care 1 Thes 2:11 as you know how we encouraged, and comforted, and urge every one of you, as a father does his own children,
LOVE DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY THINK THE WORST OF A CHILD Love does not judge the heart motive 1 Cor 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. Love thinks the best 1 Cor 13:7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE DOES NOT DESTROY Love builds up 1 Cor 8:1 … Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. Prov 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
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